So last week my dear friend Skyla was canonized.

I, being not nearly as saintly, am merely an icon. Dina, Gothic Goddess, Our Evil Lady of the Blankie. Look, I have proof!



Saint Skyla now has a Twitter feed on which you can ask her questions on How Not To Be A Douchebag Author. Follow her. She gives excellent advice (and blessings!). Those who say her novena and offer her tribute get extra special help, and will not be douchebag authors.

Well...yeah. Here's the story of Our Evil Lady of the Blankie.




"During a walk from his home village somewhere in Scotland early on the morning of December 9, 1531, a Random Hot Dude (RHD)—also a peasant but the scruffy, sexy kind, not the eww type—saw a vision of a young woman surrounded by an evil dark aura of evilness. Rather than ask for a church to be built, as some random glowy young women do, the Lady demanded hot men and many blankies be brought to her immediately in her honor, else she would spread evilness, pestilence, horror, and still more evilness. RHD recognized her as The Gothic Goddess. RHD told his story to the Scottish Archbishop, who instructed him to return and ask the Lady for a miraculous sign to prove his claim. The Gothic Goddess told RHD to gather blankies of every sort on the hilltop. It was winter and all blankies were in use in the village, but on the hilltop RHD found a motley bunch of blankies. The Lady then said, “You’re wearing too many clothes. Undress and lay down on this, the Blankie of Ultimate Softness.” Then she had her way with him and later bid him farewell. The Lady herself arranged the blankies into a kilt for him before she left because a kilt made Random Hot Dude EVEN HOTTER, which was a miracle indeed. When RHD opened his kilt before the Archbishop, many blankies fell to the floor and in their place was the Lady of the Blankie miraculously imprinted on the fabric. And this is why, to this day, proper Scotsmen wear nothing under their kilts."

The more you know!

Now, if you need assistance from Our Evil Lady of the Blankie, you can message her on Twitter. She offers aid with coldness and ensures kilts are worn properly. Probably something about knitting, too, and candles. Fire and other things to do with keeping warm. Below is a devotion you can offer to Our Evil Lady of the Blankie to ensure extra awesome in your bed. Clothes. Bedclothes. Blankies. You get it!

Hail Dina, full of evil, the Lord Vader is with thee: blessed art thou amongst evilness and blessed is the fruit of thy knitting, Blankie of Ultimate Softness. Gothic Goddess, Our Evil Lady of the Blankie, pray for hot Scotsmen now and at the hour of their blankie need. Amen.

My many, many thanks to my sister-icon, who wrote the devotional and the Story of Our Evil Lady of the Blankie.


Now before anyone gets upset, remember that this is for evil entertainment purposes only, and I don't even charge you $3.99/minute.